DRINKING THE SAND

Dear Friend,

We are already a week into the New Year and this is my first letter of the year to you. So, Happy New Year!

How have you been? Honestly, how are you really doing? Are you slaying it at work or at home? Are you doing your best for yourself and for the people that care about you?

I thought of what to write to you while watching the 1995 movie, The American President written by Aaron Sorkin for the umpteenth time. I have a thing for political drama/comedy with a touch of romance, a lot of romance (*grinning). I find the idea of passion, heart-over-head, and the big ol' Love defying or working alongside the power in politics, logic, and the rule of law, dangerously exciting. I wasn’t always like this. When I was a teenager, I disliked romance and ‘happy ever afters’. Not that I didn’t occasionally enjoy them but some of them seemed too unreal, fake, a little repulsive and I was okay with things being the way they were, real, honest, flawed or sad.

I know what you might be thinking, No, I didn’t have an unhappy childhood. I was a happy girl with very present parents, so present, that even when they had to be absent, they found a way to be present at all school, social and religious events, embarrassing and loving me at the same time. I think, in a way, I was curious to know more about the dark/bad side in the books I read, the movies I watched and the music I listened to because I knew a little too much about the light/good.

Then I grew up and saw how dark the world is. I still see too much hate, terrorism, bigotry, envy, death, etc. and I have started to really appreciate all the good I have, every light I can lay my hands on, every ‘Love against all odds’ I can find. Romance? No longer bad, write it, sing it, live it but do it well, make it a good story and I'm all for it. There is no need to seek out the dark anymore, I live in a world filled with it. If you wait long enough, the world and the people in it will give you enough sad content.


Back to the movie that inspired this week’s newsletter. This is one of my favorite dialogues from 'The American President':

Lewis Rothschild (to the President): People want leadership, Mr. President and in the absence of genuine leadership, they will listen to anyone who steps up to the microphone. They want leadership, they're so thirsty for it, they'll crawl through the desert toward a mirage, and when they discover there's no water, they'll drink the sand.

President Andrew Shepherd: Lewis, we've had presidents who were beloved, who couldn't find a coherent sentence with two hands and a flashlight. People don't drink the sand because they're thirsty. They drink the sand because they don't know the difference.

Every time I watch this scene, an imaginary dramatic tone resounds in my head and I play it back, again and again, to bask in the tension of that moment a little bit more. The dialogue evokes a lot of questions about the way we think and live as humans and how it affects different aspects of our lives from leadership, friendships, politics, marriage, relationships, etc.

While Lewis (played by Michael J Fox) believed that people want leadership, that they are so thirsty for someone to lead them and in the absence of a true leader, they will take the people they get regardless of their incompetencies (Drinking the sand), the President (played by Michael Douglas) believed that people do not accept incompetent leaders because they are so thirsty for leadership but because they are unable to differentiate between good and bad leaders.

Now, I completely agree with the president but this is not because Lewis was wrong. In fact, the truth is, Just like Lewis said, we want leadership so badly, we need someone to hold responsible when things go wrong, someone to turn to when things are too confusing for us to handle. We need someone to represent what we collectively stand for as a nation and sometimes, when we don’t get exactly what and who we hope for, we settle for the ones we have, we crawl through the desert toward a mirage and we drink the sand because we do not have a choice (For more: see the 2015 Nigerian Election or every Nigerian Election).

This can also be seen in the way we relate to one another from friendship, relationship to marriage. Our impatience, lack of viable options, the desperation to love and be loved in return and so many other factors can lead us to make choices that are more available to us than they are good for us.

However, the president gave a different and even deeper perspective on the issue. Are we settling for less in people because we are so thirsty for companionship and they are what is available to us or because we do not know the difference between water (what we are searching for) and sand (what is available)? Do we even know that there is more than what is available? Assuming that Nigerians are allowed to actually exercise their right to vote, are we electing incompetent leaders because we crave leadership and will settle for any person we can get, or are we electing incompetent leaders because we do not even know what to expect from an ideal leader.

It's a lot to take in, especially in the aspect of politics. However, it would be nice to question the extent of knowledge and information we have, to question what we think we know at a given point in time and why we made or are planning to make a decision that is very important to us. There is nothing wrong with acquiring more information to help us decide on how best to proceed, to differentiate right from wrong, good from bad, or water from sand.

I will write you a new letter next week, but until then, take care of yourself and try not to drink the sand in whatever you do.

With Love,
Ugochi.